Finding Solitude

Once I did a google search for nun like places for non Catholics. I sometimes feel I just want to run from everything, relationships, intimacy and other worldly conflicts of life. I wonder, am I doing enough, have I offended anyone and I even get sick of self. Do you ever get sick of self. I think I am getting an understanding of what that is. We have a need to fellowship with Jesus.

I have an imaginary place I love to go. It is a convent like the catholic nuns go to. It is solemn, and surrounded by a large brick and cement wall. There, I am protected from the world. I choose to not see a tv or listen to a radio. I only have the bible to read and a place to pray. My room is dusk and of no personality. I feel so safe here. I can avoid life in this real world. I choose to wear a dark robe and cover my head in humility. I am alone with the Lord. There is no distraction. I can not shine or accidently touch the Glory (exalt myself). Here I am safe. No me getting in the way. I can't see me anymore. How refreshing, no wondering if I am to showy or flashy or me anything. This place is so peaceful and no chance of me messing up, yet I am not a prisoner here. I can freely come in and go out.

I can freely go out. I can leave the convent and face the world again if I choose. I never did find a place like this on line for non Catholics. There were only workshops and places of study for Christian women. I wanted to go and be left alone by the world, by all people. I wanted solitude with the Lord. I was so disappointed no place existed for me like this.

Yes it does. It is a closet or a room alone with the Lord. It is time spent with him in prayer. If I make the time it is just like going to my imaginary place. I get rid of self, my number one problem. I get free from all distractions and I let go of all worries about relationships and all conflicts. This came to me this morning. I can go in and go out and find pasture. Go in with the Lord and go out and face the World and be protected by the Shepard. John 10:9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.

Thank you Lord.